Mythical Vegetables Down The Ages

Dragons, mermaids, Eskimos – the world is full of fabled creatures that don’t really exist. But are myths only limited to flesh-and-blood creatures? No, of course not.

Since the dawn of time itself, humans have also been trading other, scarier myths – myths about vegetables. Are any of these mythical vegetables rooted in reality? As Shakespeare once wrote, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” But, no, they’re probably not rooted in reality at all. They’re vegetables, for crying out loud.

Nevertheless, for your enjoyment, here are the four most enduring mythical vegetables on record…

1 – KOLLSKOGG THE VIKING RADISH

You may have heard of Odin and Thor, but did you know that Valhalla was also home to a number of mythical Norse vegetable-gods? Chief among these was Kollskogg, the Viking radish. Noted for his bravery and fierce swordsmanship, Kollskogg was most famed for seeing off Ranngrid and Gjamund – the Viking asparagus and the Viking iceberg lettuce respectively – after they made a power play when it was revealed that he hadn’t filled in his tax returns properly. Long live Kollskog the Viking radish!

2 – MUSHCALIET THE MEDIEVAL MUSHROOM

Long ago, stories were told of a mythical vegetable creature that had the body of a mushroom, the tail of a squirrel, the ears of a rabbit, the teeth of a pensioner and the eyes of an angry alcoholic. Mushcaliet was its name, and it was said to be so hot to the touch that it burnt down any forest in which it tried to reside. Why? We don’t know why. We copied it off Wikipedia can only pass on what was passed on to us.

3 – GHOSTFACE KILLAH THE MIRASOL PEPPER

The oldest of all mythical vegetables, Ghostface Killah The Mirasol Pepper was first depicted in a cave painting in Lascaux, France thought to be over 16,000 years old. In the painting, Ghostface Killah The Mirasol Pepper looms large over a gang of hunters, screaming the lyrics to Whip You With A Strap and shooting laserbeams out of his eyes. However, all myths about Ghostface Killah The Mirasol Pepper fade into the background against stories of the even more mythical Raekwon The Chef The Beetroot, who was once seen in a cave painting kicking a shopping trolley into a parked car and running away.

4 – A LEEK ON A UNICORN

This is too terrifying for an explanation. It’s a leek on a unicorn. A LEEK ON A UNICORN!